Are you lonely and unhappy? Are you looking for something to fill your innermost being that gives you happiness? I encourage you to read how I found happiness, a happiness that was obtained by finding out something about God, I never knew before.
I am the youngest of seven children. My parents were faithful in taking our family to a Christian church on a regular basis. But my father passed away when I was six, leaving my mother to care for all of us. My mother worked hard to fill the void he left. She did well, but I missed my Daddy dearly.
Spiritually, I am very thankful for the Christian exposure I received in my childhood. Even though I eventually strayed from God after making a profession of faith to Jesus Christ at age 13, I still had some knowledge of right and wrong. I believe this kept me from straying even farther than what I did.
In my teens and early twenties, loneliness held a grip on me. In my ignorance of the ways Satan leads one away from Jesus Christ, I began to look for peace and happiness with the party crowd. After all, they looked "happy." I began going to bars and places where I could drink and dance looking in all the wrong places to meet the man of my dreams; a man who would take away my loneliness and give me a purpose in life. Along with meeting men came alcohol, drugs and sex. It all came with the package.
I soon discovered "happiness" became an elusive term. The few times I was happy didn’t make up for all the times I was miserable. I seemed to attract men who simply wanted to use me for their own selfish purposes. These relationships only brought hurt, pain, and rejection. Little did I realize that having sexual intimacy with a man and hinging an entire relationship on that is one of Satan's greatest tools for leading people in relationships for all the wrong reasons.
I was tired of being rejected. At age 26, I was miserable beyond description. I was tired of being left and rejected. I was tired of not having a man to give love to and receive love from that had any lasting duration. I came to the realization that my life was going nowhere. Have you ever felt that way? It's an ever-present feeling that makes you wonder why you're here on earth. I always wondered why I was even born and what purpose my life had.
It was around that time my thoughts began to drift to an old girlfriend I had partied with in the past. Her name was Hattie, and I wondered if she was still happy. We had always been close, until she became one of those “fanatic” Christians. Her life had changed dramatically, and even though she was happy, I felt she was too religious to hang around anymore. I willfully lost contact with her for six years. One evening I began watching a Billy Graham crusade on TV. I reasoned in my mind, “Even though she is religious, she can still be my friend.”
I was lonely for companionship. The next evening, I was at a bar, which was typical of me on a Friday night. I went to a pay phone to give Hattie a call. She was glad to hear from me. We talked, reminiscing over old memories, and catching up on friends from our past. Our conversation ended by her saying she would call me back soon. Two weeks went by; she didn't call. Finally, I decided I'd call her one last time. If she couldn't make plans for us to get together, I'd just forget her. So, I called. Fortunately for me, she was there. Toward the end of our conversation, she invited me to a young people's potluck that was being sponsored by her church. After we hung up, I began thinking. “I need a change. Why not? What would it hurt?”
During that potluck, I sat there staring at these beautiful people. There was a glow about them I had never seen on anyone. Their faces radiated with peace and joy. Their words were so gentle and kind. They also had a worship time of singing to the Lord. There was a young woman who shared a song called “I Am A Servant” that touched my heart. It brought me to tears.Even now every time I hear it, it still has the same effect on me. I had no idea at the time how the message of that song would apply to me in my own life down the road. I would like to share with you the words of this song:
I am a servant, I am listening for my name I sit here waiting, I've been looking at the game That I've been playing, And I’ve been staying much the same. When you are lonely, you're the only one to blame
I am a servant - I am waiting for Your call I've been unfaithful, so I sit here in the hall How can You use me when I have never given all How can You choose me when You know I quickly fall
So He feeds my soul and He makes me grow And He lets me know He loves me I am worthless now but I've made a vow I will humbly bow before Him Oh please use me - I am lonely
I am a servant getting ready for my part There's been a change, a rearrangement in my heart At last I'm learning there's no returning once I start To live's a privilege, to love is such an art But I need your help to start - O please purify my heart I am your servant
Later on in the evening, many of them were asked to testify of how they had entered a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They shared how it had changed their life for the better. Each of them gave glory to God for doing it all, because it was not anything they could do to change themselves. They said it was God doing it through them by His Holy Spirit.
When I left that night, I felt so much love and peace, but I left with many unanswered questions. This truly was another stepping stone the Lord was putting before me on my search to really know Him. After the potluck, Hattie & Rob (her boyfriend then and husband now) walked me and my friend who came with me out to my car. As Rob was talking to me and Hattie was talking to my friend, I remember him saying to me that if I felt something different that night, I owed it to myself to really check it out. Deep down I really wanted what they had, not knowing at the time it was Jesus I was searching for. They led me by car that night, showing me where their church was.
Two weeks later I decided to surprise Hattie by showing up unexpectedly at her church. There were so many faces I recognized from my old party days, and I loved being there. From then on, I started attending that church. I eventually gave my whole heart and life to Jesus Christ. I asked Him to not only be my Savior, but also be the Lord of my life. This is what I unknowingly neglected to do at age 13. Lordship, I was soon to learn, was not obtainable without having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
The loneliness and lack of peace I had experienced before began to leave. It was replaced with peace and joy I know now only Jesus can give. I found myself surrounded with a whole new set of friends, and the loneliness was replaced with the hunger and thirst I now had to grow in Christ. I came to realize that no man could give me what I really stood in need of, which was the peace and security of knowing who I am in Christ Jesus. Whether I live or die, I know I have eternal life in and through Him. Jesus Christ is my closest friend. Problems and suffering drive me to Him, not away from Him. He always rescues and comforts me.
It’s been 39 years now in my living for Jesus Christ. He has been so faithful to me. He has added many things I had deeply desired within my heart. One of those desires was to marry a man, someone who loved Jesus Christ more than he loved anyone, anything else, or even me. I wanted someone I could share Christ with, not about. Thankfully, 36 of those years have been with the man who God so faithfully has given me as my husband. I never knew how a relationship with a man could be with Christ in the center.
It is through this marriage that I am learning to depend and trust more in Christ to meet my every need. My husband can never meet them all, nor can I meet all his. Even though I knew this before I got married, I am learning that even with a husband, Jesus Christ wants me to be totally dependent on and trusting in Him. When I do this, there is no leanness in my relationship with God or in my marriage. It takes the pressure off my husband in asking him to do things he is not capable of doing. I take great comfort in knowing that God is faithful to complete that which He has begun in me through my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
For those of you who have a lack of peace, who fear dying, have something missing, who have no real meaning or purpose in life, or experience loneliness and sense a lack of motivation: I delight in saying that Jesus Christ desires to come and fill those voids in your life. It requires that you let Him have total control of your life. That may seem scary or threatening to some people, but it shouldn't. If this has touched you in any way, please don't go on in life without searching for answers to your questions. My questions brought me to see and realize that only Jesus Christ is the answer to all my needs. I never knew I could be so free within myself. It's all because I decided to follow Jesus, letting Him make me into the person He wants me to be, in His image and for His glory.
Thank you and God bless you for letting me share my heart with you!
Real Life Stories Christian Testimony Books
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